Frequently Asked Questions

To avoid getting the same stupid questions from my fans over and over again, I have compiled this little FAQ - a list of questions I get over and over again. So, before you e-mail me with some inane question, please read this!!

Q:
Isn't Norway the capital of Sweden? And you speak German, right?
A:
Uh, yeah. Right. Maybe, if we hadn't actually WON world war II...

Q:
Are you a child-sacrificing nun-raping chicken-eating satanist?
A:
Ahm, no - it's called an "atheist". I do not believe in a god, be it evil or good - simply because I refuse to base my life on the written stories of some drunken old palestinians, and the mind-boggling fanatical ravings of the various religious movements. Sorry folks! There is no god, no afterlife an no salvation. When you die, you become worm-food. End of story! But I do eat chicken - though preferably fried.

Q:
What is your favourite choice in beverage?
A:
With alchohol: Beer, scotch, tequila.
Without alcholhol: Coke (or anything else with a LOT of sugar, and a LOT of caffeine)

Q:
You look strong and athletic! What kind of sports are you into?
A:
Gahrgle! Sports?! Don't do 'em, don't even watch 'em! Sports are about as fun to me as a tripple coronary bypass and lobotomy without anestetics! And while we're ranting and raving - I don't do healthy food either! I want junkfood - don't care if it kills me! Hrmph!

Q:
I want to marry you, you handsome hunk! Are you available?
A:
Nope!

Q:
Where can I go to get official Erik Gjertsen merchandise and fan-stuff?
A:
Click , and put "I'm a fan" in the subject line of your e-mail. I will send you a price-list. We now have a special offer on "I Love Erik" T-Shirts, available in sizes XXL, XXXL and XXXXL.

Q:
The US government are trying to censor the net - isn't that great?
A:
NO! Net censorship is the worst thing to happen since the black plague! The internet is anarchy, without anarchy the internet as we know it will cease to exist. The internet is the last frontier of free speech, and the only politically, religiously, and nationally independent media through which one can truly speak freely, and preserve anonymity.

Q:
Oh dear, oh dear - but you can't possibly be in favour of publicly available strong public-key encryption algorithms?
A:
Yes, I am! Next to free speech online, privacy online is also vitally important to keep the internet an independant medium. Strong encryption-algorithms (above 64 bit) are currently regulated by US Weapons Export Regulations, and that is sick! Everyone should have access to this technology, without having to put up with the governments "backdoors" such as the Clipper Chip or Key Escrow. Who says any government has the RIGHT to poke into my private E-mail? It's outrageous!

Q:
Don't you just love all those nice offers you get in e-mail from companies all over the world?
A:
Oh yes, in deed! I just LOVE having my mailbox filled with unique oportunities of making money just by sending ten other guys money, not to mention all the great offers I get on hardcore pornography, legal advice, and outrageously expensive natural health-products that are long since prohibited in Norway for their health-hazards. This is particularly fun, when 80% of my mail consists of junkmail, and getting mail from my pop-server takes several minutes - by ISDN!! Barf!

Q:
Is this FAQ based on actual questions??!
A:
Uh, yes - of course! Do you think I'm making this up?! Hrmph!